Life

There are times where I worry that this blog is not a real depiction of how life currently is. There are days where I feel frazzled and exhausted and the blog post that was scheduled that day is anything but representational of that. And not that it is a bad thing to make sure all the great, happy, fun moments are blogged about, but I think it is also important that I occasionally step back and interrupt the scheduled blog posts for a post on current realities. Like today, for example. While posts are going up all the time about gingerbread men, road trip travels and holidays past, real life is going on and it's been pretty tough lately. So I thought I would take a moment to interrupt the scheduled posts (that are scheduled  into the New Year, if you can believe it) and get real about life - right now, in this moment.

See this picture?

That's me cuddling our little girl before we headed for the hospital. Yes, the hospital. And not for a little, quick fix thing either. Milayla has had trouble eating. When we introduced solid foods at 10 months she still had a very sensitive gag reflex and would very easily throw up any food that she tried to eat. A few months passed and there was still no progress but the doctors, after checking her to make sure she was healthy, advised us to be patient and keep trying to encourage her forward (at this point, she was still relying on breast milk for the main source of her nutrition). We had planned a time to do a follow-up and make sure everything was still good, but before that follow-up could happen, Milayla had a sick night that worried us enough that we headed into the doctor. She had lost weight and the doctor thought it best we head to the hospital to run some tests. The original tests kept us overnight (Milayla and myself) and then the doctors very thoughtfully suggested we head home for a couple nights and enjoy a weekend as a family before coming back on Monday for monitoring and more tests.

she seems to think it's pretty cool that her toe glows

As you can see (even though my photos were blurry), Milayla took it all in stride and was extremely patient with all the pokes and prodding that she underwent. She was all smiles in the early morning hours.

After the first rounds of testing, the doctors thought it best that we look at introducing tube feeding to Milayla. She was no longer losing weight but her eating habits at the time were still not good enough to see her gain weight either (she would bite and suck on her food, but not swallow).

Seeing your child needing to be fed with a tube is not an easy thing. But, again, Milayla simply shone. After coming back from getting the tube put in she was still all smiles. Her bravery and optimism are incredible.

I would love to say that this little journey of our life has been smooth sailing, but it hasn't been. There have been language hiccups, cultural clashes, plenty of tears, and mostly sleepless night but the hardest part is knowing that it's not over yet (and not knowing when it will be). It's been over a week now and there are still no concrete answers. The doctors are being extremely thorough (which we are very grateful for) and doing their absolute best to make sure that there are no underlying causes for why Milayla isn't swallowing or gaining weight. In the end, I feel it will simply become a matter of time; time for Milayla to learn to eat properly and time for the doctors to help her gain weight in the meantime with that little tube in her nose. And until that time comes; that Milayla can eat fully on her own and gain weight, (or we are at least clearly on track towards that goal); we will be here, at the hospital. And while this isn't where we would choose to be, particularly as we kick off the Christmas season, our hearts are full of gratitude for the continuous blessings and strength that we feel being poured out upon us. We have family and friends that have prayed and fasted and done the best they can to help in their current situations (even putting their own priorities on hold to come and help out!), we have a great team of doctors and nurses who truly want to see this little girl get better and are very patient with our continuous questions as we do our best to understand and learn how to care for her in the current circumstances and, most importantly, we have Milayla, who is more determined than ever to get this eating thing right (and seems to think eating 4 rice cakes at a time is the quickest way to get there).

So while we may not have chosen this situation we are doing our best to choose our attitudes and to choose to be grateful and happy in the moment because we really do have much and, despite certain realities that we cannot change, we can still experience joy as we grow, adapt and learn through this as individuals and as a family. And, man, am I proud of how Jason and the kids have adapted to the current situation and seek ways to help. I know it hasn't been easy, but they have all done a great job. They're awesome.