Mother's Day 2014

My feelings regarding Mother's Day are really divided. While I understand that it was created as an idea to honour motherhood, an idea I am completely on board with, it also seems a little silly to need a 'set' day to so. Does it not mean more when someone decides to give thanks to you because they feel particularly full of gratitude that day rather than because that particular day dictated that they do so? 

I feel pretty fortunate that the kids are pretty gracious and thankful all the time so it felt nice to get a few extra special touches on the day of Mother's Day. Besides, the kids were so excited about getting to do a few things to surprise mommy with, even when that meant sequestering me to the bedroom so that they could finish up a few things. 

I guess when Jason asked the kids what they should get me for Mother's Day, the unanimous choice was tulips - there were no other options in their minds. They certainly know my love for tulips! 

And for those smiles!

And for those little hands and their artwork!

And hugs and kisses and cuddles (especially when that ironing board in the background is beckoning for me to finish up so it can go away).

I also got some delicious french toast for breakfast. A treat that I have not had in a very long time! It was lovely.

I love motherhood. And I am grateful to have made the choice to stay home and rear these children. I know some mothers need to make the choice to help support the family financially and go back to work, often sooner than they would have liked, and I believe that their family will be blessed just the same for their sincere hearts and efforts in the realm of motherhood. But I also strongly believe that, whenever possible, mothers are needed to bless their children at home.

But whether we work outside the home or not, we must be actively and consistently loving, teaching and rearing our children. There are so many more faucets to being there for our children than just simply being in the same room as them. Motherhood is full of so much depth, beauty and meaning that can fill us with immeasurable joy, if we let it. I'm always trying to improve myself, particularly as a wife and mother. I feel like I stumble a lot, but it isn't about how much I stumble, it's about how much I get back up, dust myself off and let myself grow in the process. Mother's have an astonishing influence on their children by the example that they set to love themselves and those around them. We don't need to be perfect, we need to be sincerely trying and fully loving. Our children feel our love powerfully when we are giving our hearts in fullness and sincerity. I stumbled on this quote this last week about perfection:

“Would you suppose the Savior [would suggest] a goal that was not possible of attainment and thus mock us in our efforts to live to attain that perfectness? It is impossible for us here in mortality to come to that state of perfection of which the Master spoke, but in this life we lay the foundation on which we will build in the eternity” --- President Harold B Lee

As a mother, I am not only building my foundation but helping to build the foundation of my children. That is a pretty incredible opportunity that God has entrusted me with. I've really enjoyed reading the experiences of the women in this Coming Home Series that you can find over here. It is about mothers, listening to their hearts, and making the choice to be home with their children. Each story is different and I have enjoyed reading the different perspectives and circumstances. I've had more days than I would like to think about, that I have been on the receiving end of hurtful remarks about my choice to stay at home with my children (and, sadly, those remarks have often come from places where I would have expected support) and it just makes me sad to see that people feel the need to do that (and, in some cases, that they do it without even realizing!). However, I have been grateful for the peace and assurance that I have felt through my days that I have made the right choice for me and my family. It is not always easy, but when I let motherhood truly wash over me and embrace it with my whole heart, life feels more right than it ever has.

So, while this post has become much more filled with my opinion than I anticipated it being, I am grateful to be a mother and I am grateful to have two wonderful children who spoiled me with a few extra tokens of love (with help from Daddy) on Mother's Day.

This is now

I've been meaning to write about the books that we have been reading for a while. It was a few months ago now that Atticus pulled a chapter book off our shelf for evening book and the kids begun to feel the thrill of getting lost in the words of a fully woven story that knits together another world for you to explore in your mind.

We love books. We go to the library and take home stacks and stacks of books, then pull them all out on the floor and read through every single one - multiple times. Advancing into early chapter books seems to have opened even more doors for those wonderful imaginations of theirs. Not to mention, it is so much fun to see them anticipate what is going to happen next.

With us living in Quebec, where maple trees abound, I thought that reading the first book in the Little House series would be very fitting seeing that they go maple sugaring in the book. 

I must admit, I recall reading this book in the early school years and very vividly remember some parts of it (like the maple sugaring and Christmas) but I never really took to it. Reading it through with the kids gave me a new sense for the comfort of the words in this book. The words are thick, descriptive and oh, so, comfortable. I'm not sure that I could explain it any other way. 

As we read we really did feel like we were gently pulled into and guided around another time. It was soothing and peaceful. We loved it so much. 

And as we read the final words of the book I felt the need to snuggle those little kiddos a little bit closer to me. Because while "this is now", now is always changing and the only time to truly appreciate it is to breath in deeply and enjoy all it's many dimensions and sweetnesses. 

I love a good book, but I love so much more being able to share special moments now with this special family of mine to help lay the foundation for many more lovely moments to treasure and breath in deeply. 

So Many Thoughts - Peace

I've been struggling with some pretty awful, non-existent sleep lately.

Just as the busyness of the day settles down and my head hits the pillow my mind turns on full blast and reminds me of all the stressful things going on that I have worked so hard to rise above (and address, as needed) during the day so that I could be present for my children (and also so that I can handle the stressful things with a clear, level head because stressing out about stressful things never helps) because, despite the stressful stuff, I still want to do my best to excel as a mother.

Sleep deprivation is not something that I enjoy. Though, I don't think anyone is likely to enjoy that. And I could feel anxiety creeping consistently closer and closer.

And then I found this:

(would love to know the artist, if anyone should know it!)

And I loved it.

There wasn't some big epiphany of some great solution to help me tread through stressful times (and get some more sleep!), but there was a peace.

And peace is powerful.

It helps us better see the wisdom of what things matter and what things don't. And it empowers us to meet stressful times head on and then rise above them or deal with them (whichever is needed).

Peace is beautiful.

And perhaps the most beautiful thing about peace is that it allows us to absorb all the goodness that surrounds us even when the waters of life aren't as calm as we would like. Because the source of that beloved peace is ever mindful of our lives, and our future.

Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake

To guide the future as he has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know

His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

--Katharina von Schlegel

Beginnings - My One Word

This week I am on assignment to put together the next Family Home Evening lesson. One would think this would be a simple task. Lately, I'm so jumbled up that even that seems complicated. Pathetic, I know.

So after a morning of playing with the kids I carved out some time to try to commit to a lesson topic while they worked together building a duplo zoo.

I prayed. I sifted through my scriptures. I sifted through Preach My Gospel then on to our Family Home Evening books and then on to a few online resources that have come in handy quite often. And I still came up empty handed. There were certainly a ton of great ideas, but nothing that resonated with me. Nothing seemed to fit.

So I told myself I was just being silly. I needed to just pick a lesson. Commit. And move on. After all, they were all good lessons. Who cared if it "fit" or not? Maybe it just didn't need to.

Then Atticus came in to show me something he had been working on. After I checked out his handy work he turned to me and asked "And what are you working on, Mommy?". And I said that I was trying to find a family home evening lesson that felt right for our family. He said "okay" and he walked away.

I thought that was Atticus' way of ending our little dialogue until he came back a few moments later with the kids' latest Friend magazine (a children's magazine published by our church) in hand with a page already open and said, "I found this yesterday and thought it would make a good lesson and activity, perhaps you think so to?". As I read the title of the article that he had opened up to it sunk into my heart and I knew that it was the lesson that I was looking for. I thanked Atticus for his help and for sharing his prompting with me and he headed back to playing with a big smile on his face.

Now, I don't know if the lesson I ended up picking was the right one because our family really needs to learn this lesson. Or if it was a chance for Atticus to learn about following promptings. Or even if it was just a chance for Atticus to help. But I do know that it felt right and I needed to follow through on it and move forward in faith that the other pieces would fall into place.

So what does all this have to do with my one word for the year? Quite simply - everything. Trying to come up with my one word went through a rather similar process. I came up with so many great, inspiring words but none of them resonated with me. Not a single one inspired me or gave me that bit of grounding and application that I felt I needed in my one word this year.

Then, one morning as I was doing yoga (my first session after a couple weeks of being quite sick) and the word came to me - Beginnings. It seemed like such an odd word but for some unexplainable reason it fit. It resonated. It put a little spark and grounding in my heart and I knew that I needed to pick it as my one word, even if I don't understand the reasons behind it.

So perhaps it will have an extra special meaning this year. Perhaps it will just be a gentle little guide as the year progresses. Whatever it is. I'm glad it fits. I'm glad it feels right.

So here is to a new year filled with beautiful 'Beginnings'. Whatever that may entail.

Power of Moms article

With bits of spare time here and there I have been trying to write down some of my thoughts on motherhood. I'm sure you have noticed a few writings on the blog here and there. Well, one of those writings made it's way onto a lovely website called the Power of Moms. Be sure to check it out. Also, please take a look around at all the other great things they have on their website. 

Here is the link to the article. Enjoy!

Teaching Our Children to Understand

Last month I was asked to give a talk in church based on a General Conference Address by Sister Cheryl A Esplin. I've had a few friends and family members ask for the talk, so I thought I would post it on here and throw in the respective links for references to make the reading a little easier. Enjoy!

**I know there are many people who read this blog who do not share our faith, or prefer to not have a faith at all. Whatever the case may be, I hope you are able to read this with an open mind and a respect for what we believe and strive to live in our daily lives. Thanks!

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In the Doctrine and Covenants the Lord instructs parents to teach their children to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ, baptism, and the gift of the Holy Ghost. It reads:

“…inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents.” (D&C68:25)

As Sister Cheryl Esplin emphasized in her General Conferencetalk in April 2012, it is important to note that we are not simply asked to teach the doctrine but to teach our children to understand the doctrine. The difference could be explained as the difference between our children simply knowing who Christ is and understanding who Christ is and what that means for them as individuals.

It is an important calling as parents to teach our children to understand; President Boyd K Packer has emphasized that “Husbands and wives should understand that their first calling – from which they will never be released – is to one another and then to their children.” (‘And a Little Child Shall Lead Them’ Apr. GeneralConference 2012). With such a large importance and emphasis placed on this eternal duty of teaching our children it becomes extremely important that we heed Elder Ballard’s advice to “…prioritize [and] [p]ut everything [we] do outside the home in subjection to and in support of what happens inside the home.” (‘That the Lost May be Found’ AprilGeneral Conference 2012). Are we making our families and the spiritual education of our children a priority in our homes? Are we holding family home evening weekly? Do we pray together daily? Read the scriptures together? Do we make the most of spontaneous daily moments in which gospel principles can be rooted in their soul? Or are we doing the minimum and expecting our children to figure out the rest or for someone else to teach them?

Teaching for understanding takes determined and consistent effort. We must plan and prepare for it. Perhaps most importantly, we must also be an example of living those principles that we are teaching. What better place is there for our children to learn and understand the principles of the gospel than through the light that shines within us as we live those very principles that we discuss with them in Family Home Evening or read in the scriptures? Children are extremely attentive, and our actions will always speak louder than our words.

We must also continuously seek knowledge for ourselves. We must internalize and practice the principles we learn. The more consistent and devoted we are to nourishing ourselves spiritually, the easier it will be for our children to come to an understanding of the principles that we have internalized. Spontaneous and valuable teaching opportunities will come more frequently and be deeper in meaning as we are more spiritually prepared to recognize them and utilize them to their greatest capacity.

The daily tasks that we as parents must carry out may not always feel like the life changing, spiritual building blocks that we prepare ourselves for. Everyday tasks such as laundry, cooking, going to work or helping with homework can sometimes seem repetitive and far too simple to bring about great testimonies. In times such as these we must hold fast to our vision of our children, our families and ourselves. In the book of Proverbs we learn that “where there is no vision the people perish” (proverbs29:18). Do we have a vision of who our children are and what they are capable of becoming?

It was the artist Michelangelo, known for carving the famous statue ‘David’ who said,  “In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it.” Our children are similar to these blocks of marbles, each day we, as parents and teachers, are chiseling away the rough walls to reveal the incredible person that they have the potential to be. Heavenly Father sees our children this way, and it is up to us to lay hold upon that same vision so that our small daily chiseling is not mundane and repetitive but is instead, purposeful. And let us not forget the teachings of Alma who said, that “by small and simple things are great things brought to pass” (Alma 37:6)

While we are chiseling, teaching and exemplifying the gospel we must also remember to be aware of when it is time to let our children exercise their knowledge and agency independently. Sister Esplin explained it simply when she said that “as children learn and act upon what they learn, their understanding is expanded, which leads to more learning, more action, and an even greater and more enduring understanding. We can know our children are beginning to understand the doctrine when we see it revealed in their attitudes and actions without external threats or rewards.” If we are unsure about which decisions to let our children make on their own, we can always approach the Lord in prayer for confirmation.

While the role of teaching our children to understand falls primarily on the parents of the children, the children’s understanding can be greatly enriched and deepened by church leaders and teachers, home and visiting teachers, family friends, neighbors, or even people they may only ever see in passing. I am very grateful for the consistent examples and teachings of older brothers, home teachers and bishops who helped me to understand and appreciate the blessings of the priesthood. It is due in large part to their examples that I gained a deep appreciation and understanding for the priesthood and subsequently, temple marriage, which led to my decision to marry in the temple which has blessed my life abundantly. I will forever be grateful to them.

As we commit our time and efforts to the duty of teaching our children to understand, our homes and families will be strengthened. In April General Conference, Elder Ballard emphasized that the “most important cause of our lifetime is our families.” He then shared that “If we will devote ourselves to this cause, we will improve every other aspect of our lives and will become, as a people and as a church, an example and a beacon for all peoples of the earth.” I have personally felt the joy and blessings that have come from prioritizing my family and the teaching of my children over the pull of worldly endeavors. I know it is helping us as a family to come to know Christ in a deeper and more personal way as we strive to follow him and come closer to God. 


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Happy Mother's Day!

Is there anyone else out there still trying to form an opinion about Mother's Day? There are people who love it, people who hate it and people who just don't care. I know they all have their reasons, but I did not want their reasons to become my reasons because I want my own opinion (thank you very much!). 

And this year, after one particularly long week, I had decided that I did not want to celebrate Mother's Day at all. No thanks. Not my thing. But that view softened eventually and became a desire to do nothing but soak in these little children of mine who call me 'Mom'. I put in a breakfast request to which Jason happily obliged and put in a stipulation that I must get a picture with just me and the kids (as I am usually the one behind the camera). Other than that, I wanted to let the world pass me by while I crawled all over the living room floor and played games with the kiddos.

Well, Sunday morning greeted me with this handsome guy getting breakfast well underway...

Man, oh man! He sure is handsome!

And this handsome Little Guy so filled with excitement about giving Mommy her gifts that he couldn't sit still or stop smiling.

and a breakfast plate with an incredibly delicious whole wheat vegan crepes filled with all sorts of wonderful vegetables.

And I even got a photo with the kiddos. Actually, I got TWO! 

This one is blurry, but I love it anyway. It just feels so quiet and peaceful, which is sometimes a rarity around here.

And I really love this one as well. It is a little bit more realistic of a snapshot of our life. 

Silly, smiling children. Happy Mommy.

I adore these kids! They are absolutely incredible and impress me each and every day with their ambition to learn and grow.

Before it was time to go, I felt an impression to switch my jewelry. Strange, I know, though I ended up wearing two very special pieces of jewelry; an item from my parents and an item from my grandmother. As odd as this may sound, it really helped to remind me of the mothers that have come before me and helped shape who I am today.
Then it was time to head out the door for morning church. But after such a lovely breakfast I had let my guard down and was not prepared for all the ways the rest of the day would take me away from my vision for the day. 

In the end, by the time church was done, impromptu meetings lasted too long, visits and phonecalls, the day was nearing it's end and the kids were tired and hungry. And I was left feeling like I had missed it all, regretting that I had not protected that time better, and longing to go back to that far-too-brief perfect breakfast.

Now, don't get me wrong, there were other good things in the day. The kids were very well behaved at church. Milayla and Atticus greeted me with smiles larger-than-life when I made it home. Both Jason and I got to call our Moms. We all were able to sit down to dinner together (though it was to the melody of two very tired kids). And, somehow, Jason managed to put together a small batch of cinnamon rolls for us to indulge in.

So, no, the day was not bad. Just not what I had expected and hoped for. Perhaps the day served as more of a reminder at how poorly I adapt to last minute changes than anything else. And considering that it has not even been a week since Mother's Day and the disappointments have nearly faded away and been replaced by the much stronger, happy, memory of wonderful family, good friends and loving mothers, perhaps it was a much better day than I gave it credit for. I am blessed. And I am grateful for such special people in my life that worked so hard to give me a little spoiling. I am grateful for joy in my life that helps smooth out all the bumps in the road and put things into perspective. And I am grateful for the opportunity to rededicate myself to being a Mother as I discover what all that entails for me. And though there are a few things I wish had happened differently, at least I was surrounded by people I love (and I will know better for next year!).

So to everyone, everywhere, I hope you found a way to celebrate Mother's Day that you enjoyed.

Happy Mother's Day!

Mommy Moments

After I had tucked both kids into bed for nap this afternoon, I wandered back to the kitchen to clean up when I heard Atticus calling for "Mommy". I arrived into his room to be met with a request to cover him tightly under his blanket. It's a routine that we repeat every naptime and night time. Atticus asks for the blanket to be left off because he is too hot, then calls me back moments later to tuck him tightly under the blanket as he is too cold. It happens so frequently that I have been doing it on autopilot while my mind is else where. Today, however, I had a moment of stillness where I felt absolutely present. I soaked in that moment. I got to kiss those little cheeks one more time, say another 'I love you' and hear one more 'I love you too'. I found myself wondering how those little eyes see this Mommy. Do my actions truly convey all the love and tenderness that I feel towards these kids? And I thought back to all those days as a child that my Mom tucked me into bed. Strangely, it does not feel all that long ago. It was such a small moment, but it helped me to sharpen my focus on the important things and rededicate myself to making the most of every moment. Then, it was back to the kitchen to rededicate myself to the dishes...

Stuck inside on sunny days...

Our stroller is being sent in to be fixed (under warranty, thankfully, but that's a story for another day) and we had to stay home yesterday for the parcel pick up - which never happened. It isn't very much fun spending an entire sunny day inside only to find out you didn't have to.

The pick up was rescheduled for today, we had to clear our plans to be home. In my heart I was kind of hoping it would pour rain and I would not be so bitter about being stuck inside again. But it was clear blue, sunny skies.

I think the kids caught on to my dislike of being inside and they joined in - not a fun result.

After a long morning of teething and tantrums I finally put Atticus and Milayla down for naps.
I will admit - I was tired and really just wanted to sit down with a green smoothie and a book for 15 minutes to recharge before starting on some to-do list items. Then, Atticus asked me to cuddle and sing him a song. He even said "please" accompanied with his cute, wide-eyed, smile. I gave in. And I am so glad that I did.

It was only a few minutes. But those few minutes were wonderful, especially when considered in contrast to the rest of the morning. I am so grateful for two children who constantly remind me to slow down and enjoy the little pleasures that life has to offer. Life doesn't always need to be busy with every minute planned. Some of my favorite moments involve just being together as a family, relaxing at home or the impromptu moments.

True, it would have been nice to go outside and enjoy the sunshine, but I had it pretty good being stuck inside with two great kids to keep me company. Besides, who knows how much longer Atticus will actually ask and want me to sing to him ;).


As for that parcel pick-up...well, it's been rescheduled - again.

I’ll love you forever…

‘I’ll Love You Forever’ written by Robert Munsch is in permanent book rotation in our home. The kids love it and I love it. For those who are unfamiliar with the book, it is about a mother who sneaks into her son’s bedroom after he is asleep and rocks him back and forth while singing:

I’ll love you forever
I’ll like you for always
As long as I’m living
My baby you’ll be


This mother continues doing this as the boy grows older and older and eventually moves out to start a family of his own. Admittedly, it seems a little creepy when the mother starts driving across town with a ladder so that she can climb into her son’s bedroom in his new home, but the sentiment is still there.

As cheesy as the story is, I always have to work to keep myself from tearing up because, well, I finally get it. I finally understand to some degree why the mother is sneaking into her son’s bedroom and I think it’s a rather brilliant idea. And this is why:

It’s because there are moments as a mother that are harder than others. There are moments when lunchtime rolls around and you realize you still have not had breakfast. There are moments when you go grocery shopping with two tired, young children and get to the check out (with everything on your list) thinking “I did it, I actually did it!’ only to discover you forgot your wallet. There are moments that you pray your son will start looking where he is going so he’ll stop running into walls and doors…then you do it yourself. There are moments the laundry piles up. Moments you have more bodily fluids on you than you care to think about. Moments where you can’t remember that last time you washed your hair. Moments where the screaming begins to turn into white noise. And moments where you remember that silence means trouble and “Uh oh, Mommy!” means it’s already too late. But at the end of those days, once the kids are asleep if you sneak into their room to see them sound asleep you get it.

(these photos were taken during nap time, which is why the kiddos are not in pyjamas)

It is right there in those quiet moments where you remember what matters most. You remember with vivid detail the first moment you held them in your arms. You remember how perfect and innocent they are. You remember the numberless days where they have blessed your life with more joy than you ever thought possible. The days where you stay in your pyjamas all morning – on purpose – to curl up on the couch and read books together. The days where you hurt yourself only to have them kiss it better. The days where you get to be a part of helping them discover something new.  The days you realize that there has never been a day that lacked in the department of hugs and kisses. The continuous days they do something that amazes you and your face glows with pride. The days that are never short on adventures or laughter. And the days that are always full of love.

It is during this flood of emotions that your heart swells with so much love for that one person that it feels as though it may burst out of your chest. It is this love and these emotions that refuel you and leave you waiting in anticipation for the moment they wake and you get to be “Mommy” again. This is when all those "hard" moments are put into perspective and the grand picture is put into view.

Being “Mommy” may not be glamorous, but I am continuously overwhelmed with gratitude that I get to be Mommy to these kids. When they were born I signed on to partnership with God that I would do everything in my power to raise them so that they will return to their Heavenly Father again some day and even with all the inevitable bumps in the road, I would never trade that role for anything. I love these kids and I love being their “Mommy”.