The Forget-Me-Nots: August 2014

I'm pretty certain that my incredible amazement, awe and reverence for God and the miracle of life grows deeper and stronger with the birth of each of our children. The entire process of welcoming a child into this world is incredible and nothing short of a miracle. I feel so honoured to be a mother and to experience it all in a very intimate way; it is a blessing.

I tried so hard to capture all the little details of little Phineas as I know they don't stay little long. While there is incredible beauty in watching your children grow and learn, there is something very precious about those first days when they are fresh from heaven. The little toes, the chubby folds in the skin, the smell, the button nose, fuzzy hair, little fists, curled toes, tiny noises when they make big stretches, angel smiles, and so much more. I adore the 'fresh from heaven' stage and watch in awe as they sleep and feel the love of heaven pouring out on them. And the love I have for them only grows as they grow and I get to know them and their unique personality, gifts and talents so much better. Phineas is a very special addition to our family and while he has only been in our family a matter of days I have felt the love for him grow so much deeper already. I love being a mom and I know I will love the journey of being his mom. Four days in - eternity to go.

This boy is so loved

Milayla wanted to hold Phin's hand for the photos - so sweet

On his baby blanket that I made for him

Dear Phineas,

Well, you finally arrived! At 9:56pm last night (August 1st, 2014) you curled up on my chest and I gushed about how beautiful you are (which I know, when you read this in later years, you will love the fact that I called you beautiful, but really, babies - especially ones that are yours - are unmistakably beautiful), what an incredible blessing your arrival was, and how much we all already love you. Well, almost 24 hours later and you have carved your loving place into our family from the start. As I write this you are curled up against my chest and I am doing my best to enjoy every moment of your sweetness. I would not want to detract myself to even write this now if it weren't for my desire to make sure that I capture my thoughts and feelings while they are still fresh in my mind.

The adventure of you arriving last night began the night before when contractions started working their way up and at 3am I knew we were going to be meeting you before the day was done. Yet the morning did not see progress in the labor and so I worked hard to be patient. When nap time came around I began timing contractions to see just how close they were. Sure enough, they were less than 4 minutes apart and we knew we should head in to the birth centre. Once your big siblings were awake, we let them know that we were heading in and left them in the care of a good friend (Carole). They were so excited to know that they would soon be meeting you.

With the pregnancy, I had been craving ice cream for several days and figured if I wanted to indulge now was the time and so we grabbed some ice cream for me to enjoy (with you) on our way. With map in hand, I had to make sure that daddy knew which exits to take as we had gone a different route to try and avoid some construction traffic. Once we arrived at the centre, I ate some dinner, as I knew once things got going I may not want to eat much and I definitely was going to need my strength. Then I hopped in the birthing tub and things picked up.

I really have no idea how much time had passed as it felt a lot quicker than it was but the moment came that I felt ready to push and so I wrapped up in towels and got positioned in the bed to push you out. It was then that the midwife noticed that you were too far off to the one side and didn't think you would come down (I still think if I had of pushed a little longer that you would have come right out though! And I really wanted to meet you!) and she suggested I try some new positions to get you to turn. Well, you did turn but the wrong way and you were in a full on star-gazing. Thanks, buddy.

I found myself praying again, and again and again throughout the entire process. I knew I was going to need some heavenly assistance to get you out as I did not want you and I going to the hospital. So I finally phased everyone in the room out and positioned how it felt right. Soon, the time came that I asked the midwife to pray as well and to suggest a position to help you come down. Her first couple suggestions did not feel right, then she suggested the birth stool so that Daddy could help support me. Perfect. I sat down - pushed twice and very surprised the midwife exclaimed that she could see your head! It was a few more pushes before you were out and in my arms, all gooey and warm.

The peace that came over me was such a wonderful feeling. The midwives helped me onto the bed again and worked at a hurried pace as I was bleeding excessively. They called the ambulance to have us transferred. After being given a couple shots to try to stop the bleeding I asked Daddy to say a prayer after which I asked the midwives to help me as I tried some big pushes to get the placenta out (which would help the bleeding stop). With a push nearly as strong as I needed to push you out, the placenta came out, the bleeding slowed and you and I were ready for a loooooong sleep.

I had a quick shower while daddy kept you warm. The midwives brought in some food. And I was only able to nibble a little before I was off to sleep. The midwives brought in a cot for you to sleep in, but you were fast asleep in my arms (and I was sleeping, too!) long before we could even discuss the idea of putting you in there. Daddy took the liberty of snapping pictures while we were sleeping which I am actually pretty grateful for because I am usually the one behind the camera! I love having pictures with my kiddos. And the candid pictures of us sleeping are definitely no exception.

It was morning before we snapped pictures, ate food, and finished all the paperwork. Daddy went to pick up the big siblings - who were up very early in the morning asking the babysitter if their little brother had arrived yet. And when they all came into the room to see you for the first time, our family of 5 was all together in one room. There was instant love from your siblings that had been loving you from the moment they found out you were in my tummy. They were fascinated with the way you held their fingers and loved getting to hold you. Both kids wanted to help get you ready to head home; Atticus held your hand and Milayla gave you kisses and helped cover you with your blanket. We had our first official family photo before we left the birthing centre - all tired, sweaty and in need of more sleep!

While you may or may not have wanted to know all those details of your birth, just know that it was a beautiful experience (hard at times but completely worth it!) and we are all so grateful to have you here. You were worth the wait. We are all enjoying all the present moments and looking forward to the journey ahead with you in our family. We love you!

Daddy snuck pictures of us sleeping after the labor. Love these first moments and all the cuddles and sweetness.

Your first sleep at home - you only seem to sleep in bed next to mommy and I'm pretty okay with that

Getting weighed by our midwife (Cynthia)

Daddy getting his turn for cuddles - I'm a little hesitant to share those newborn cuddles :)

love getting snuggles!

So incredible!!!

The first time Atticus and Milayla met you - instantly in love with you!

proud big siblings!

The big siblings getting to hold you for the first time - exciting!!

kisses from your big sister and cuddle from both siblings. The kids were pretty excited when you would hold on to their fingers. They couldn't believe that you could hold on so tightly!