As a Mom Thinketh

Life has been so hectic lately that I have found the most calming time to make dinner preparations is during nap time. It's not that I don't appreciate the two very helpful pairs of hands that love to set the table and stir anything they can get those adorable fingers on, but I saw nap time dinner preparations as an opportunity to turn on some audio books that I had wanted to listen to for a while but had failed to find the time to do so.

So over chopping onions I commenced to listen to the first of many books on my list: As A Man Thinketh written by James Allen. Many consider it a classic but it was one that I had never read so I was excited to see what I thought. And there were no shortage of thoughts about it. The most poignant thoughts came to me after a rather stressful morning; we had had many errands to run that morning, cleaning to get done, dinner guests to prepare for and books I had promised to read to the kids. Not an easy morning for two little toddlers to handle especially when they have a frazzled mother at the helm.

As I was chopping and half-heartedly listening to the audio, I reflected on the morning and thought of all the ways I could have handled the inevitable bumps in the morning better when the audio, that had become nothing more than white noise in the background of my thoughts, echoed in my mind crystal clear;

“Self-control is strength. Right thought is mastery. Calmness is power. ” 

Calmess is power. It felt like those words were being etched into my mind as I thought to myself, "man, if that is the case then I am missing out on a lot of power that could be mine and I need to find a way to do better". 

In general, I feel like I do quite well at staying calm on the outset, but on the inset I am anything but. I share a common problem with many other moms out there - my mind never turns off. I saw an eCard the other day that said something to the effect of "Men: if you ever want to know what a woman's mind feels like, imagine a browser with 2857 tabs open. all. the. time.". Yes, that's me (my mind AND my browser!). 

The promise of greater power, if I could get that inner calmness into check, is great and all, but what exactly am I supposed to do to get there? Because, as a mom, I greatly value the idea of being the source of strength, grace and serenity no matter what the pressures of motherhood bring (a lofty goal, I know) I really want to figure out the answer for this (which may not be universal for everyone).

I really enjoyed this Power of Mom's article where Allyson (the author) focused on some great ideas in her article about appreciating the now that would definitely help. And Saren and April (also from The Power of Moms) did a phenomenal job in their radio episode about 'Your Deeper Yes' on how to zero in on what is important for you, as an individual, to give your time to. And while all their suggestions for actions to take were incredible they didn't address the core problem for me; I am constantly applying the actions but yet there is a seemingly continuous reoccurrence of the problem. For example, how many times can I say 'yes' to too many good things while the quality (and quantity!) of time I have for the best things in my life falls inevitably short? It is is a feeling like I am pulling out the same weeds again and again without ever getting to enjoy the beautiful flowers in my garden; a frustrating cycle for someone who likes to enjoy the beauty of the moment.

So where do we find the root of this lack of calmness, balance and focus? In the words of James Allen, “As [a mom] thinks, so [s]he is; as [s]he continues to think, so[s] he remains.”. 

All of our actions, everything that we are, begins as little seeds of thoughts in our mind - we must weed out the bad and plant and nurture the good to live a centred, peaceful life.

While the absoluteness of that last sentence is still something I have yet to fully accept, I certainly do believe that there is a correlation between our thoughts, our actions, the quality of our relationships and the quality of our life. 

For example; if I begin the day worried about how much there is to get done and not having enough time to get it all done my actions are typically hurried, frantic and just plain stressed. Approaching it this way does not save me any time, in fact, it usually takes more time as I cannot focus on the important things to get done, I don't take time to exercise the wisdom of putting first things first, nor are my children particularly keen on cooperating with a crazy person. 

Alternatively, if I begin the day with a few deep breaths, put the most important things firsts, then allow and accept things to unfold in the natural rhythm of that particular day, magical things happen. The kids are happy, I'm happy, and all the important things get done with a whole lot less worrying. As a wonderful, added bonus, I find I even have extra time on days that are approached like this (and that is certainly not a byproduct of having less items on the to-do list). 

So, how do we actively plant seeds for days like the second alternative? We choose our thoughts. 

Just like we choose what clothes we want to wear, buy, keep or get rid of, we can choose the thoughts that we wear, buy, keep or get rid of. If certain thoughts do not help us come closer to our goals as who we want to be as mothers, women or even wives we can plant thoughts that do and weed out the ones that don't. The aim is to have a mind that is a clean, beautiful, serene and peaceful garden because that is precisely the kind of mind that will be able to create a clean, beautiful and serene home.

This is all part of my journey to focus and feel an inner calm no matter how crazy life can sometimes get. I'm sure some of these thoughts seem incoherent and I may even babble on occasionally but I feel it is important for me to get them out there - so here they are, at least the first part of them. I am hoping to sit down and write more thoughts on this as they formulate (in other words; I hope to write some more soon). Until then, I'm sure there will be plenty of other wonderful things posted here :).