I'm always a little leery of posting my thoughts on this blog (outside of the day-to-day happenings) because I worry that people will think I see myself as an expert, or worse, they may think I actually am one. I'm not. I'm a mom (which requires a great deal of expertise in and of itself, along with a heavy dose of on-the-job training), trying every day to improve in places that I see in need of improvement. While I hope my efforts to improve, learn and grow through motherhood will bless me with the knowledge I need to bless my family, I still shy away from the word 'expert' because I have a lot to learn. But let's make a few things clear though; I love motherhood. I love being a mom. And I aim to magnify my calling as a Mother for the benefit of my children, my family and those around me.
And that brings me to the point of this post. Early on in my motherhood journey I was trying to more diligently focus on my role as a mother and I realized I was lacking a great deal of direction. The desire was there, but with no destination in mind, that desire was only fuelling motivation that was running me in circles or getting me places that I didn't really want to be. Not fun. So I sat down and did some serious thinking.
I'm big into goals. I love writing them, breaking them down, working towards them and, especially, achieving them. My personality matches well with that kind of progression. When I think of times in my life where my progression was really magnified and I excelled it was when my life had clear expectations and plans set forward (like projects at work or assignments at school). So it became clear to me that I needed to set forth clearer expectations/objectives for myself that I could work toward to strengthen my confidence in mothering and, therefore, my abilities. I found the best way to come up with those objectives was to know where I wanted to end up.
Quite simply, when my children are grown, what do I hope they will say of how I raised them, of the example that I set for them, how I loved them, the time I spent with them or the way that I made them feel? I set to work making a list of several things that I would hope they would say. Some examples of that are: She always gives us heartfelt compliments, she listens and understands, she always sets a good example, she hugs us - a lot.
Then, I picked what I felt were the 10 that I felt the most drawn towards (some of them could be easily combined with other items on the list) and I transformed those from being words from my children to being objectives/affirmations for myself so that, hopefully, they will one day be the words from my children!
Everyone's list will probably look a little different, but here is what my final list of 10 looked like:
1. Give compliments and praise - not just for a job well down, but for the efforts, skills and desire.
2. Say 'yes'.
3. Have a vision and share that vision - of the gospel, our family and each of its' members.
4. Give love abundantly. Give hugs.
5. Take time for me - learn, relax, breath.
6. Smile often. Forgive easily. Laugh.
7. Listen. Enjoy every moment of their little voices. Encourage thought. Validate their thoughts.
8. Lead by example. Make choices that I would be proud to have my children emulate.
9. Take take to teach. Be patient and understanding. Clarify and expound with love.
10. Be consistent.
Now, the process doesn't stop with the list. This needs to be an active list or there won't actually be any progression towards my vision. Which means I need to be working on it - all the time. So at the beginning of the week (usually on Sunday evening) I sit down with my list and I ponder it. I ask myself questions such as; where am I feeling particularly weak? or, What do I sense my children could use more of right now? Then I set little goals, that usually pertain to one of my objectives, that I plan to specifically work on that week.
It's a work in progress. But the key is that I am progressing and that feels good. It has a positive effect on me, my family and my ability to bless my family in my role as a mother.
Motherhood can be tough and oh, so wonderful. It isn't meant to be a perfect journey, it's a progressive journey and it's awesome.
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