The Driving Quirks of Montreal

Before I go any further I would like to ensure that whoever is reading this post understands that I love Montreal. In spite of, or perhaps even because of, all the playful banter that I am about to embark on I love this vibrant, sometimes backwards, often controversial city. Pretty sure I must be crazy, but if that means I can love where I live then I will take it. I'll certainly need some extra love for this city once winter sets in.

Which brings me to the meat of this post; all those driving quirks of Montreal. There are some serious quirks in this city and I would like to document them so that I can look back on the humor of it all on days when I am having trouble actually finding the humor in it.

If you are planning to visit or move to Montreal anytime soon, please do yourself a favour, and study the following quirks so you are equipped to keep your senses alert on the road.

Let's start with the roads:

There are potholes. They often look like sinkholes. I wondered why they didn't spend some money on taking care of the roads a bit better until one day I drove over a freshly filled pothole with a big smile on my face knowing that I no longer needed to swerve around it to save my car alignment. The next day I drove over that same pothole and it had already sunk to be just as bad as it was before. So why bother in the first place? Smile. And enjoy the ride. It's a bumpy one. I suppose one should be grateful for winter - the snow fills the potholes.

Bridges. They're everywhere. And not in the finished form. It would seem that someone, somewhere gets a bright idea to replace one of the badly worn bridges and they set to work building a new one only to decide halfway through that A: the bridge won't work or B: they came up with a new idea or C: (and seemingly the most popular choice) they would rather go build a partial bridge somewhere else. If you would like to know what they do with all those partial bridges you just need to drive around Montreal a bit. You are likely to see them on the side of the road in seemingly random places. We've dubbed it 'Road Art'. I know there are others that aren't so kind in their naming of these bridges, but we don't use those words around here.

Lane lines. On a large portion of roads around this city there are no lines. None. 4 lane traffic. No lines. I would love to say that everyone figures it out. But they don't. It's a free-for-all.

Which brings me to my next quirk for mentioning - Road Rules.

Are there any!?

I had heard driving in Montreal was an interesting experience, but I was not expecting this (and we've driven in some pretty crazy cities - Paris, Rome, Athens - none of which are particularly known for good driving). It seems that every time we go out we get to see at least a hand full of close calls that boil down to the lack of road rules (or at least the lack of observance to them). For example, stop signs are more often a suggestion than they are an actual stop sign. If you actually should stop at your stop sign (as we do) be prepared for at least one other person to roll through their stop sign just to go ahead of you.

And signaling is overrated to change lanes. This is especially true if you are driving a taxi. In which case, feel free to cut everyone off to change three lanes to the right just to turn left across all those 3 lanes in order to get passed about 2 cars. Happens every day.

There are nearly no turn lanes here. There are turning lights, but if you are in the nonexistent turning lane and happen to be behind someone going straight when the turning light comes on you get to sit and wait until their light turns green at which point you no longer have a turning light to turn. So you get to sit and wait for a turning light again. I'm not sure I understand the advantage of this. Perhaps there isn't one.

When there are lane markers - ignore them. Play pacman and hurdle your car over the dotted line to gobble up all those dots. It's the only way to truly look like you belong here.

And before you start worrying that I am suggesting that no one should follow the road rules. I'm not. I think they are a great idea. But they don't work if the majority of the people aren't following them. Definitely follow the rules. Be safe. And pay attention. Also, don't forget that on the island of Montreal there is no turning right on red. Never. Nor can you turn right if the people going straight have a light. You must have a solid, green light. And those flashing green lights aren't because the light is broken, it's because you have priority - as long as no one else has decided to run their light.

And in the event you should ever get lost it is important that you know that true north does not exist here. The compass on the map of Canada that says which way north really should be in Montreal has no bearing once you are actually in Montreal. In the theme of ease they have rotated the island on the maps and given Montreal a new sense of direction. To give you an idea, if someone tells you something is in East Montreal, that is the north part of the island. If you are supposed to take a road north that means you are really taking a road west with a slight northerly slant. Learning the new directions can be fun but the confusion comes in figuring out how to give directions off of the island. At which point does north become north again? Do yourself a favor and don't get lost. Or learn to love getting lost.

It's a fun adventure, this driving thing. Though I am still a little nervous about what winter driving has in store for us.

Should be fun!